THE RIGHT ONE
First we must allow our Heavenly Father to do the
picking. And second, the decision for a mate must be
made on a spiritual and intellectual basis before it’s
made on an emotional one.
“What about love? Shouldn’t that be the third? you
ask. No, and I’ll tell you why. “The heart is
deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can
understand it? (Jeremiah 17:9).
The heart is willful and is driven by its own agenda.
It does not consider things rationally and
intelligently it just loves to please the flesh!
Therefore it has to be pointed by God in the right direction:
“Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of
life” (Proverbs 4:23).
Whenever you meet a man, you need to get clearance
from God, check out his attributes, and then allow
your heart to engage.
Dating exists not for mating; it exists for collecting
data. I believe that the biblical design would be
friendship, courtship and then marriage.
Friendship is two people walking together in agreement
and accountability, learning and growing together.
Courtship follows the mutual agreement to commit to
one another exclusively – it is the decisive turning
toward the agreed-upon goal of the marriage altar. It
is a period of laying a foundation and preparing your
life together after marriage.
But dating? Well, if you do date, use the time wisely
to gather these facts.
1. Check out the fabric. Is the person mate material?
Does this man have an intimate relationship with the
Father through Jesus Christ? Does he care what God
thinks about his behavior? Is he accountable to God as
well as another co-laborer in the faith?
Accountability is an important factor. It is
imperative to maintaining a committed relationship. Is
your potential spouse a member of the same family –
the family of God?
You need to have common interests and values and agree
on the essentials of living day to day. You have a
similar spiritual walk. You eat the same spiritual
diet. You enjoy a lot of similar things. You have like
interests, like goals in life, like opinions on basic
life issues.
You have had like experiences in your background.
Though there is some truth to the idiom that opposites
attract, like-minded folks fare better together.
Furthermore, does he want to get married? If you want
to be married and your dreamboat isn’t interested,
don’t waste your time.
Remember, women fall in love and get married. Men
decide to get married and then look for a wife. Note
the difference in order. So if a guy says he’s not
looking for anything serious, take his words
seriously. If he’s not going in your direction, get
off the bus and wait for the right one.
2. Does this man want you? Is he pursuing you? The man
who is right for you will pursue you, and God’s hand
in the relationship will be clear. No guessing, no
fleeces, no dead ends.
Scripture says: “He who finds a wife finds what is
good and receives favor from the Lord” (Proverbs
18:22).
Note -who finds whom? THE MAN FINDS THE WIFE. From the
beginning of time, God has transported men and women
across the world in order to put them together.
At the RIGHT TIME, He will bring that man on the scene
and he will find you. In God’s perfect design, the man
is the one who recognizes his mate. Adam had no
problem recognizing that Eve was his missing rib. You
do not need to strategically place yourself anywhere.
You don’t have to help a guy out because he’s shy!
Men will do whatever they have to do to get what they
truly want. The man in your life should recognize you
as the pearl of great price in his life and be willing
to do whatever he must in order to gain your hand. If
he is passive about gaining your affections, take it
as a sign that he is not interested.
Many a woman’s mother has suggested that it is a good
idea to marry a man who loves you more than you love
him. As cold as that sounds, it actually might be
scriptural if you stop to think about it: “We love him
because he first loved us” (1 John 4:19). Until then,
take the ultimate chill pill. You don’t need a bunch
of men in your life to make you feel all right about
yourself.
You need only one man – your man, the one God has
selected to select you. And trust me, the right man at
the wrong time can be just as awful as the wrong man
at any time. So trust God’s timing in this. He is the
ultimate matchmaker. Relax, sit pretty and allow
yourself to be found. Again – WAIT until the man
voices his intentions. He should take the lead in
establishing the relationship. You may have an inkling
that he is the one, but God will use the man to set
the tone of the relationship. Allow him the
opportunity to woo you – this is your first act of
submission. Jesus set the standard for all men to
follow. They should love us first. And they should
lead the relationship. And, God will confirm it to you.
3. The man in your life should not desire to move into
your house, only into your heart. A man who prepares
for your future has made his intentions clear. A man
who is husband material has the means to take care of
a wife. He is a responsible human being who
understands he needs to have something to offer. In
short, a man should have the means to be a suitable
lover for you.
4. Check out his buddies. Everyone knows birds of the
same feather flock together, yet most women fail to
see the connection between a man and his friends. A
man’s pals tell you a lot about the person that you
haven’t seen yet. They reveal things about the guy’s
character that might be hidden when he is on good
behavior. Everyone knows how to put his best foot
forward. Don’t stay focused on the foot, check out the
rest of the body!
5. Check out his relationship with his mother. How
does he treat her? This is your preview of how he will
treat you. There are lots of men who, because of a
negative relationship with their mothers, really don’t
like women, yet say they do. Unresolved issues between
mother and son continue between husband and wife.
6. Remember that a man’s family reveals the cloth from
which he’s cut. Take note and decide whether you want
your future with the man in your life to look like
his present family situation.
7. Check out the patterns of his life. Do you see
repeated cycles of drama in his personal kingdom?
Broken relationships? Problems in making commitments
–including the job market? Mood swings? Is a problem
always someone else’s fault? Does he embrace
responsibility or shirk it? Does he keep his promises?
Is he a man of good reputation? Remember all garments
look wonderful hanging in the store, but with wear,
some begin to unravel. Give yourself time and space to
check out the man in your life. Time will always
reveal whether or not he is made of the right stuff.
8. Does this man have a vision for his life? Is he
running with that vision? Remember, God decided Adam
needed help once Adam got busy DOING his assignment.
As we saw Adam, a man doesn’t need help until he is
busy doing what he was created and called to do. Is
the man in your life guided by sense of destiny and
purpose, or does he just allow life to happen around
him? A man who is not certain of his mission can be a
most miserable person – and you’ll be miserable too if
you know where YOU want to go in life.
A man who has vision is not intimidated by a woman
whose mission statement is clear. He will be your best
ally, cheerleader and assistant because he wants you
both to make it! A man who cannot be supportive of
your achievements because he is floundering in a sea
of uncertainty over his own life is not a healthy
partner to have and to hold forever.
Creating dependencies or feelings of obligation is not
the way to get the best out of your man. Somewhere
along the way, he will resent you and flee from the
smothering burden of obligation he associates you
with. You want a man who is firmly anchored in his
identity in Christ. Remember, we are looking for a man
who will be priest and leader of his home. His first
instinct should be to want to cover you, redeem you,
and provide for you. Your job is to decide if this is
the man God has ordained for you to complement.
9. Complimentary. Do your talents and gifts complement
his? Do his gifts, compliment yours? What about your
temperaments? Do you see the two of you as an
effective team capable of bringing blessing to the
lives of those around you? Do your futures mesh? Can
you coordinate your gifts in an attractive and
effective way?
This is why knowing your purpose is so important. Make
sure your hearts beat for mutual causes. When I go
shopping I always consider the fabric, the fit and
what I already have in my closet. Will my next
purchase be a complimentary addition to what I already
have? If I find that I am going to have to buy shoes
and matching accessories to go with a new outfit, I
leave it right on the rack. It is too expensive a
proposition. If the man you meet makes you feel that
you need to completely reinvent yourself, something is
wrong.
This is where I ask you to consider the relationship
in terms of cost. Is this relationship expensive
spiritually, emotional or physically? Does your
longing for a mate make you willing to forfeit who you
are in the process? Or does he see you as the gift
that you are? The man in your life should consider you
a rare find, a priceless jewel-because of you he is
getting ready to get blessed big-time! Any
relationship that causes you to feel unworthy,
unlovely, unacceptable, undesirable or that you have
to work for love, is too expensive!
God has called the man to cover, protect and provide
not only materially for a woman, but emotionally and
spiritually as well. You should be richer in mind,
body and spirit for your union with the man of your
dreams. The man in your life should make rich deposits
into your heart and spirit, not withdrawals.
10. Does he have a healthy love and acceptance of
himself? Make sure the man in your life has taken time
to heal from past relationships and has made peace
with himself. How he cares for himself is how he will
care for you.A man’s relationship with God is crucial
here. His love for himself will only be as strong as
his love for God. This is not something that you can
impart. You cannot be his savior or teacher. That is
out of spiritual order. In his rightful place as your
personal priest, he should be leading you to a richer
relationship with Christ.
If he is causing you to compromise your faith and
destabilize your walk, if he is leading you into
sexual sin or causing you to be distracted from your
commitment to Christ, the relationship is too
expensive. Offending the Lover of your soul, who
promises you eternal love, is too high a fare to pay
for a ride that has a limited run. If you and your man
can’t soar in the Spirit, when the force of your love
for another is tested by the pull or gravity of the
world, your union will not be able to survive.
So you decide. How much is your life worth? How much
is your love worth? You will be able to accept only
what you believe you deserve. God himself calculated
the worth of your love and decided it was worth His
life. He now pledges you His love for eternity. Yes,
Jesus sets the example for all others to follow when
He paid a ransom for His bride. Should you expect less
from a mortal man? Throughout the Biblical age, men
were willing to pay the cost for what they truly
desired. The truth of the matter is, everyone knows
that anything worth having, costs and no one gets a
ride in this life for free.
Our prayer:
Dear Heavenly Father,
I confess that I have not always been as careful as I
should’ve been with my heart. From time to time, my
desire for love has caused me to leave my heart in the
wrong hands. I now commit my heart into Your hands for
safekeeping. Please help me to stop being so impulsive
with what you deem so precious. As I learn to
celebrate Your love for me, let me learn from Your
example what a bridegroom should really be like. Help
me to never settle for less than what you desire for
me. As I embrace You as the Lover of my soul, keep my
affections in the haven of Your own heart. As I rest
in Your love, make me more discriminating of those who
approach me.
I ask that You take over this area of my life. Keep me
from those You know would hurt my heart. I invite You
to set a hedge around me and keep me from all who
would draw me into unfruitful relationships until the
day you present me to the mate that You have selected
for me. Grant me the discernment to recognize him as
he recognizes me. Cleanse me from the temptation to
typecast the men I meet according to what I see. Help
me to trust in Your knowledge and lean not on my own
understanding. I know that You know what is best for
me; therefore I yield to Your choice.
In Jesus Name.
Amen.
Ladies this is something you should definitely share
with a friend, whether you are single or married… It
is something to think about, When you ask is “He” the
one!
author: unknown
