Are Men More Sexually Active Than Women?

It is probably the oldest debate and has been part of the war of the sexes for as long as one can remember. No discussion of human sexuality is ever complete without a reexamination of this ancient question. Who is more sexually active? Which gender is genetically, biologically, culturally more prone to higher levels of sexual activity?

Every once in a while a new study appears, stating sometimes this, sometimes that, and adding further fuel to this raging fire. For example, one survey finds that women are more sexually active, at least in high school, than men are. It says that by the final year of high school, girls are likelier than boys to have been sexually active. Over 60% of girls in their final high school year claimed to have had sex, where only 44% boys of the same year said the same.

On the other hand, another study shows that 67% of older men, between 65 and 74 years of age or older, have been sexually active within the previous year, while over 35% of 75 and 85-year-old men say the same. For the women, however, the numbers are as low as 40% and 17% for the same age groups.

One of the reasons for this disparity might be that most men have a more uncomplicated approach to their sexuality, while for women sexual desire is more connected to emotional and self or body image factors. As women age, physical changes might affect the way they view their own bodies, how they feel about their own attractiveness, and how desirable they feel. Men, on the other hand, often focus more on the achievement of an erection as a precursor of sexual activity, and drugs such as Viagra have made a significant impact on that.

On the other hand, it is a pretty much well established fact by now that men achieve their overall sexual peak much earlier than women. Where a woman hits her sexual peak as late as early 40s, achieving full enjoyment of sex, increased libido, and stronger fantasies, men on the other hand, hit their peaks in their late teens or early 20s, later settling down to a more sedate but consistent level of sexual activity for pretty much the rest of their lives.

One of the reasons for women being more sexually active in their 30s or 40s could be that by then most women have become more comfortable with their own sexual natures, and with sex in general, compared to teenage women and those in their 20s.

There are other differences too. Norwegian researchers have found that the genders behave quite differently in terms of libido and sexual activity, even with the seasons. Women experience more desire and are likelier to be sexually active in the spring while men are likely to experience the same in autumn.

Given all these varying reports, given the fluid nature of human sexual behavior, compounded by emotional, psychological and developmental factors, it is practically impossible to come to any conclusion about which gender, male or female, is more sexually active over the entire course of their lives.

And, maybe the point is….why try? Mars and Venus are different, always have been and always will be. Why not leave it at that? Any difference does not have to mean better or worse; or more or less. Let’s just be happy with “other”.

Becky Kospanova

In several days, on November 6, 2012, American people will choose their 45th President and the Electoral College election will take place on December 17, 2012. The race between Democratic current President Barack Obama and Republican nominee Mitt Romney is rather close – different polls alternatively show one or another candidate leading by just few points, and it is clear that the outcome of election greatly depends on such factors as voters’ turnout, undecided voters, and swing states. Moreover, the recent tragedy of superstorm Sandy might also influence the results of the election by affecting early voting results, preventing people from voting altogether, or making them change their choice based on perceived ability of President Obama to handle the crisis of such enormous magnitude.

Still, majority of voters base their decision on most important to them issues and the candidates’ stand on them. What are the issues that interest the American public the most? Generally, most political polls and observers report that Americans are very concerned with economy and especially unemployment rate, budget deficit, education, foreign policy, terrorism control, immigration, health care, abortion and birth control, as well as the host of other issues. As such, the voters need to familiarize themselves with at least two major points of each candidate’s platform in order to make an informed decision.

Economic policy is one of the most important topics. As everybody knows, American economy plunged into recession during previous Bush’s administration and in 2008, Obama made a promise to do everything in his power to restore it. Undoubtedly, a lot has been done – Obama implemented $ 800 billion stimulus plan to save financial and auto industries and unemployment rate is steadily, though slowly, falling (to compare, in September 2009 the rate was 9.8% and in September 2012 it was 7.8%). As such, he supports domestic companies by promising to provide tax cuts to companies which keep their operations in the USA and tax penalties to these companies which outsource. He wants to cut the debt by reducing government spending and increasing revenues by repealing tax cuts to the families which make more than $ 250.000 annually and raising taxes for the wealthy. Romney, on the other hand, supports decreased government regulation, balanced budget, and lower taxes for all strata of population, especially the rich. He proposes the replacement of jobless benefits with unemployment savings plan and wants to decrease government spending by cutting down the financing of some social programs, most notably Planned Parenthood. He supported the bail-out of financial institutions while opposing the help to auto industry, and is in favor of relaxing the laws which regulate the operations of financial and corporate companies.

Another important issue is health care. Obama’s big achievement was the passing of the Affordable Care Act by the Congress in 2010 which, in case of his winning, will be implemented by 2014. In short, it is a universal coverage health plan which will provide coverage to all Americans no matter the pre-existing conditions, people will receive tax credits to pay the premiums, private employers will receive tax incentives to provide affordable insurances to their employees, and insurers will have to compete for their businesses by supplying high-quality plans. Romney, first of all, calls for the repeal of Obamacare and proposes the establishment of individual tax-advantaged medical savings accounts to pay for premiums and medical costs. He believes that states, not federal government, should regulate the policy for uninsured people and trusts the private sector to successfully compete in the area of medical insurance. Moreover, they differ dramatically in regard to abortion rights and contraception. Obama believes in women’s right to choose and the availability of fully paid contraceptives for women with work-based insurance. Romney supports anti-abortion policy and hopes that the future Supreme Court will overturn Roe vs. Wade.

Of course, the choice of the candidate is determined by a person’s belief system and his vision of the future of the country. Thus, on November 6, 2012 the voice of American people will be, hopefully, heard.

Becky Kospanova

On November 6, 2012, American people will vote to determine who is going to be the President and the Vice-President of the USA for the next four years. The main choice is between present Democratic President Barak Obama and his Vice-President Joe Biden and Republican Mitt Romney, former governor of Massachusetts, and his Vice-President nominee Paul Ryan. However, there are two other candidates who have achieved ballot access sufficient enough to win the election by the majority of the Electoral College: the Libertarian nominee and former New Mexico Governor Gary Johnson and the Green Party nominee Jill Stein. Still, many people do not fully comprehend what Electoral College is and how it influences the outcome of Presidential elections.

The Electoral College was established by the Second Article of the U.S. Constitution and was amended in 1804 by the 12th Amendment. Basically, the Founding Fathers had a choice between a system where general population would cast its vote and choose the President based on a majority of votes received by a candidate; or a system of Electoral College in which the President is chosen based on the number of electors’ votes received. The Electoral College system assigns a number of elector votes to each state depending on the number of state’s representatives in the House of Representatives and the Senate. As such, each state has a number of electors equal to the number of its representatives in the U.S. House of Representatives plus an additional vote for its two U.S. Senators. Thus, if general population of some particular state votes for a specific candidate, then based on the majority of votes received, that candidate gets all the pledged electors’ votes from that state. At the moment, there are 538 electors who will determine the future President of the USA. The candidate needs to get 270 elector votes to be elected as a President of the USA. If none of the candidates gets the required number of 270 then, according to the 12th Amendment, the House of Representatives chooses the President based on the number of votes received from the states (each state gets one vote). It had happened only two times in American history when Thomas Jefferson (1801) and John Adams (1825) were elected by the House of Representatives.

There are many critics of the Electoral College system. Many people argue that the true voice of American people gets lost during the Presidential elections and the outdated Electoral College system does no longer reflect the real choice of general population. This critique is not without some basis. Everybody remembers the Presidential elections of 2000 when Al Gore lost the election race to George W. Bush despite gaining the majority of popular votes but losing the Electoral College votes. Bush had won 271 electoral votes while only getting 50,456,002 popular votes and Gore had won 50,999,897 popular votes but only 266 electoral votes. However, it was mostly an exception rather then the rule. So far, the same situation has happened only two more times in history when Republican candidate Rutherford B. Hayes won the elections against Democrat Samuel Tilden in 1876; and Republican Benjamin Harrison won the elections against Democrat Grover Cleveland in 1888 on the basis of electoral votes.

Nevertheless, no matter what one’s personal stand on the subject of Electoral College system is, the main thing is to just vote and make sure that your voice has been heard. After all, the future of the country greatly depends on the person who will lead the American nation for the next four years.

Article revealing a simple algorithm that could help create genius ideas.

Before unraveling the path-breaking algorithm that effectively produces smart ideas, let’s make an attempt to alter your perspective towards genius people. When you think of great legends like Albert Einstein, Thomas Edison, Isaac Newton, Steve Jobs or other innovators, what is the general notion defining their high intelligence quotient? Yes, of course you relate it to some super-powers, which they might possess. This is not because you resolutely believe in myths but because it’s a human tendency to presume extraordinary things as myths rather than accept the blunt reality that such things can be possible without anything supernatural. It just seems easier to judge this way, isn’t it? Apart from this confusion between myth and realism, there also lies a perception that geniuses exhibit unusual behavior and eccentric habits, which make them, stand out of the rest. No, none of it is true.

On looking through the eyes of reality, the scenario seems to be the exact opposite. It’s a fact that geniuses are not a cause of some special genes but of the unfamiliar mind strategies used by them. These tricks don’t obey the rules of the general norm, but anyone who is aware of it can gradually master it. So, this is the perspective you need to hold on to till you discover the steps that lead to an estimated mastermind outcome. Now it is far more empowering and motivating to believe that such innovations are rational and not mythological. It is indeed thrilling that some nifty skills can push the boundaries of inventiveness. Take this as an inspiration that each one of us can be revealed to a better thinker suppressed inside us just by intentionally positioning our mind on the lines of ingenuity.

It has been observed over the years by researchers that innovation is not the end result of a genius attribute instilled in a person. The reason why some people generate such rich ideas is because they make intentional efforts and as anticipated it leads to a splendid invention. The method is simple, it just requires you to be focused and exercise your brain as directed. Try the following steps:

· Focus on the challenges that you currently have in your life; it can either be professional or personal. Note that these challenges should be the ones for which you would like to produce a fresh pioneering approach.

· The strategy that you need to follow here is to concentrate on the approaches you previously followed but didn’t work out well. This acts as a relevant guide leading to improved insights. If you think carefully, you will realize that deliberating on strategies that you know are wrong or won’t work out is something that you can easily do and strangely also in great amount of detail. The tricks lies here itself.

· Now the reason why you are supposed to focus on the wrong strategies is so that you can detach each of the incorrect features and cautiously analyze the reasons behind why they are so out rightly wrong. This defect detection approach is productive because now you can be more specific, clearer and aware of the current situation. A mental force is built and your mind eventually starts to think out-of-the-box.

· Before you realize, just by concentrating on the mistakes your mind has been pushed towards thinking clearer than ever before on the appropriate approaches to deal with the prevailing problems. The idea here is to learn from mistakes and this can only be done when there is clear picture of it inside your head and you know how to make the most of it in order to reach the pinnacle of creativity.

This technique of directing your mind to think on solutions by focusing clearly on the mistakes is one of the many amazing tricks that can be used to reach towards answers that have the capacity to be turned into successful innovations. Of course nothing in life comes with a guarantee but this tactic solely depends on how well a person directs the mind and makes use of its minute loopholes, like the one revealed here. So, here’s your final takeaway-

It’s not at all mystically to be a genius. Surprisingly, all it takes is a set of ordinary clear-cut approaches of thinking in an efficient manner.

The Struggle Of Aboriginal Women In Australia

Aboriginal women have faced tremendous difficulties since the British occupation of Australia in 1778. After this occupation, their relationship among themselves and with indigenous men changed significantly as they lost their independence, status and value within the community.

Aboriginal women at this time also lost their artistic practices, which was a deeply religious and spiritual practice. Their artwork symbolized their culture, their lives and told of dream-time stories that were passed onto their children. Art was a form of worship, central to their beliefs, and this too was stripped from them.

They also lost their spiritual connection with the land they adored and that provided them with everything they needed to be happy. Finally, they had their children removed from them to be raised by white families as though they were white. Generation after generation, these women continue to struggle with their identity and their place in the Australian community.

When white settlement arrived in Australia, the British occupiers did not truly embrace the land and what it had to offer. Indigenous Australians were completely ignored by the Europeans as they claimed the land to be Terra Nullius: unoccupied and considered to be of ‘no man’s land’ at that time. Accepting the land to be vacant enabled the Europeans to use their laws and culture to become the norm for the country. They completely ignored the values, beliefs, and laws of the indigenous culture. Instead of embracing the indigenous people and their culture, white settlement made the decision to ignore it all, as if it never existed. With a true colonial spirit, the British came to Australia to spread their vision of a civilized society, as they had in other parts of the world.

Aboriginal people were forced to assimilate and their customs and beliefs, which were handed down through generations, were destroyed in order to subjugate the indigenous population.

Many years later, after the destruction of the Indigenous lifestyle, families and communities, the anthropologists decided to investigate the aboriginal way of life. Yet they only investigated the male side and they ignored the rich history of aboriginal women.

Aboriginal women had a significant role before the colonization of Australia as all indigenous female lived their daily lives independent from men. In addition, they were economically independent and had status and value within the community. For example, they produced 80% of the diet and played a key role in the socialization and education of the children. They passed on information about indigenous tribal law and vital kinship structures that influenced social behavior.

They had all that western women were deprived of in terms of freedom and equality. Due to the colonization of their land and oppression and dispossession by the Australian society, the relationship between Aboriginal women and men was affected and the kinship structures were shattered while spiritual connection to the land was lost.

In turn, this had a devastating effect on the indigenous community. It is therefore, extremely hard for indigenous women to regain their lost status after the colonizers destructed the ruling system of the Aboriginal people. Today, Aboriginal women do not have the same status and autonomy as they did before white colonization.

Women Tall or Short – Does it Matter?
Becky Kospanova

We do not have much of a choice when it comes down to our looks. The only thing we have is to thank or regret is our parents, and they were dealt the same card. However, in a modern world, the looks can matter a lot. It was statistically proven that better-looking and taller people earned more compared to their less fortunate in the looks department and shorter colleagues, no matter the qualifications. It is just simple human psychology – people like good-looking and tall people, they appraise them more favorably, and they tend to grant them more favors than to worse looking people.

Women especially feel the impact of being judged by their looks. However, the standards shift constantly. At one point of history, plumper and shorter women were considered beautiful because it signified that they were having more food than their skinnier compatriots. Each culture developed their own standards of beauty, and at the time when most people did not travel much, it was easier to be considered beautiful by local measurements. Everything has changed with the attained ease of travel, TV, social media spread, and the Internets global reach. Now, it does not matter if you live in Japan, USA, or Europe because almost everybody becomes a subject to beauty requirements promoted by nowadays culture and media.

The standards put out by modern fashion models are nearly impossible for a regular woman. They are almost uniformly very thin, very tall (between 5 feet 10 inches and 6 feet tall), and young. Let’s face it, most of them are in their late teens and of course, they can look fresh and young with no effort on their side. However, most women do not look like that at any stage of their lives. We are curvier, shorter, and maybe not as hungry?

The question stands now if it really matters how you look and how tall you are. In my honest opinion, it does matter how you look because it projects a certain image about you to an outside world. If you are fit, well cared, healthy, and well groomed – it shows determination and, basically, respect for what you’ve been given.
If you decided at some point of your life to neglect yourself – it shows kind of lack of willpower, and maybe lack of respect for yourself.

However, the point must be made that women need to look as good as they want to. It does not matter if you are 5 feet or 6 feet tall, size 2 or 18- all that matters is you. What is really important is how healthy and rich your inner life is, how happy is your family and you, and if you feel fulfilled in your life. At the end, a happy person is always a beautiful person and we all know it when we are in the presence of one.

Written By: Becky Kospanova

One of the basic characteristics of people in any country and at any age is the tendency to develop stereotypes about particular groups or classes of people. Webster dictionary defines stereotypes as “conforming to a fixed or general pattern; especially: a standardized mental picture that is held in common by members of a group and that represents an oversimplified opinion, prejudiced attitude, or uncritical judgment.” While some stereotypes can be positive (such as “all babies are cute,” “all Hispanics are family oriented,” “Asians are good at math,” , etc.), majority of them are not and can lead to unnecessary misunderstanding and unfounded judgment.

Cognitively, tendency to form stereotypes allows us to make sense of the world by providing some generalizations and explanations, be they true or not. It is much easier to process

information by grouping it in categories, especially in modern society when we are constantly bombarded by a lot of information every day. Just imagine how difficult, or rather practically impossible, it would be if you had to form fresh opinion every time you encounter a new person, new situation, or a new thing. As such, stereotypes serve useful purpose by saving people time and energy and providing quick clarification. They are, in short, are “coping mechanisms” which help us to simplify the surrounding world.

As long as a person realizes that his first impression about somebody might stem from stereotypes and is open to changing his opinion when getting to know that person better, stereotypes are not necessarily bad. Moreover, stereotypes reinforce in-group and out-group mentality which, while sounds bad, is not necessarily so. People are conditioned to belong to a group based on some prevalent attribute such as race, nationality, social position, profession, and such. Consequently, stereotypes promote the sense of belonging and community to some degree. However, more often than not people emphasize negative consequences of stereotypes.

Sadly, it is true that majority of stereotypes bear negative undertone and can lead a person to become prejudiced and judgmental. It is easy to assign positive characteristics to an in-group while downgrading the traits of an out-group. Even when one encounters a person from another group who defies stereotypical expectations, he considers that person to be rather an exception than a rule. Consequently, stereotypes are very difficult to erase.

Generally, stereotypes are based upon race, nationality, gender, social position, outward appearance, and profession. Practically everybody has heard at some point such stereotypes as, “Russians drink a lot of vodka,” “Asians are bad drivers,” “Most Muslims are terrorists,” “Blonds are dumb,” “Men are better workers than women,” “Blacks are only good at sports and music,” “Lawyers are greedy,” , etc. While some particular person might have never met a Russian in his life before, it is quite possible that he will automatically remember about vodka if he meets one. It is inevitable that everybody has some preconceived notion about other people from out-groups. However, one of the worst consequences of stereotyping is resulting aggressive behavior. There are many stories about people being attacked solely on the basis of their nationality or appearance with little regard to their actual persona. We, as a society as whole, need to strive to eradicate negative stereotyping and encourage open mindedness and consideration.

The Extrovert-Introvert Code of Living

Right from birth, each one of us has evolved into a set pattern of human traits; the major constituents being the variation in mind-set, opinion and behavior. These three elements blend together to lay the foundation of the personality type we possess and showcase in our daily lives. Just by observing the known and unknown people around us, it can be inferred that each person is born with a unique vibe. If their actions are in-tune with ours, there is a strong bond of compatibility formed. But in cases of disparity like the two extremes (introverts and extroverts) stumbling upon each other, major survival issues and acts of repulsion are observed. This happens because of their intolerance towards each other’s contrasting traits.

Most of us would have come across extroverts and introverts in our social circle. The outgoing person who is always found at the peak of liveliness when around large groups of people portrays the extrovert category. While the recluse who is thrilled when disconnected from social gatherings, constitutes the opposite type called the introvert. Whether we have a propensity to reach out to the world or cave in into our own, these traits are something which cannot be forced to change. The interaction of these two extremes is inevitable and thus by following a definite code of living they can learn to endure each other’s company without having any major clashes.

Code #1: Interruption Signal

For Introverts: From the point of view of an extrovert, when you spend leisure time alone carrying out your usual activities like reading books, writing or being lost in contemplation, the only assumption they make is that you may be feeling left out. And they’d rather do a favor by engaging with you. Most of the times, this assumption is wrong and is a cause of major interruption. In such cases, what needs to be done by you is to clearly indicate (visually/verbally) that you are unwilling to socialize at the moment.

For Extroverts: It is not necessary that the ones who are often found doing nothing are loners. There is a high possibility that these people are immersed in deep thinking and would not like to be interrupted by your socializing nature. The best way to figure out is by directly asking them if they are busy or look for signs that confirm their indifference. The least you extroverts could do is not be offended by their ‘leave-me-alone’ gestures, it’s how they naturally are.

Code #2: Thought Process

For Introverts: Your most discernible trait is that you don’t speak up until you are completely sure of what you would like to say. As a result, a lot of time is spent in thinking and processing ideas. While this is perfectly normal for you, the extrovert presumes you to be unresponsive. The only way you can turn this around is by practicing to think out loud or in other words verbalize those thoughts that are under-construction. If still you feel unsure, just politely indicate that you require more time to respond.

For Extroverts: Socializing and verbalizing your thoughts profoundly are your most highlighted traits. Often when you are on a chatting spree and don’t notice the other person being disconnected to your thoughts, stop for a while and ask them for feedback right away. You must make this move because introverts often get absorbed in processing thoughts and thus overlook the option to speak up instead.

Code #3: Interaction Degree

For Introverts: Being in a state of solitude suits you the best but don’t let this seclusion keep you trapped without having any connection from the external world. Experiencing the social world once in a while is not that terrible after all. Try to spare some time to socialize with people and let them recognize that concealed fun side of you.

For Extroverts: It is marvelous that you prefer the external world but sometimes you need to understand that introverts just cannot be the same. Their battery begins to get drained once they have been through an engaging conversation. You can enjoy their company as long as they are interested. Beyond that, you will have to set them free and find some quality time with other extroverts around.

Code #4: Constraint Realization

For Introverts: The only constant thought that should prevail at the back of your mind while spending time with an extrovert is that their need to be gregarious is equivalent to breathing. This is difficult to deal with because the conversation that acts as a morale boost to the extrovert has an opposite strenuous effect on the introvert. Now you can either opt to be patient enough to let the conversation end and then finally revitalize or be polite and cut it off early.

For Extroverts: Finding happiness in a solitary state is an absolute foreign concept for an extrovert and might take some time to fully understand it. The reason why introverts feel the need to withdraw back into their shells is because they hate the idea of socializing but not the concept of having fun. The wisest step to take would be to stop pushing them to hang out when they are reluctant.

Don’t let anyone tell you how to act because altering your individuality is the worst thing you could do. Break free from those defined notions and begin to accept these differences. Because now when you bump into someone portraying the opposite persona, you are prepared to accept the challenge.

Rio De Janeiro’s 2016 Olympic Games
Part II
Becky Kospanova

This year, thousands of people watched the Summer Olympic Games being held in London, Great Britain – one of the most renowned cities of the world. However, in four years, the Olympiad of 2016 will come to Rio de Janeiro, Brazil – a spectacular city with rich history, fascinating culture, and beautiful people. It will be the first time a South American city will host such an event, which understandably brings a lot of pride and excitement to the people of Rio and Brazil.

How did the election process occur? In 2009, members of the International Olympic Committee (IOC) met in Denmark to discuss the candidate cities and, after three rounds of voting, selected Rio to hold the 2016 Games. Initially, seven cities (Chicago, Madrid, Tokyo, Prague, Baku, Doha, and Rio) were proposed by their National Olympic Committees to hold the Olympics. After the voting in 2008, the IOC chose four candidate cities – Chicago, Tokyo, Madrid, and Rio- to be considered as a future host of the Games. After three rounds of voting in 2009, Rio received 66 votes as opposed to 32 votes for Madrid and was given an honor to hold the Olympiad. The judges were very impressed by the proposed plans for building an excellent Olympic village and sporting venues located at four zones and connected by a highway ring, which will allow the athletes to arrive at their destinations quickly.

Undoubtedly, athletes along with spectators and fans will be thrilled to have the Games in Rio – one of the most beautiful cities in the world. When one thinks about Rio, the first things which come to mind are its sandy beaches, festive carnivals, the enormous statue of Jesus the Redeemer on top of Corcovado mountain which overlooks the whole city and, of course, its beautiful and friendly people. However, Rio, which was founded in 1565 by Portuguese, boasts rich history and culture as well. Since late 17th century, Rio became an administrative capital of Portuguese America; and in 1808, the Portuguese Royal family along with other nobility, escaping Europe from Napoleon, moved its capital to Rio. Thus, Rio became the only European capital located outside Europe! In 1822, Brazil obtained its independence from Portugal, but Rio stayed a capital until 1960, when a newly built city of Brasilia became a new capital of the country.

Rio’s history and architecture were influenced by Portuguese, French, English, and its native cultures. There are many spectacular churches, museums, palaces, universities, and old homes which will certainly impress everybody. In fact, Rio is the most visited city in South America with almost 2.5 million tourists arriving annually. There are many historical landmarks in Rio such as National Library, the seventh largest library in the world, National Museum of Fine Arts, National Museum of Natural Science, Botanical Garden, and the Imperial Square. On July 1, 2012, UNESCO granted Rio de Janeiro a title of World Heritage Site in the category of Cultural Landscapes.

All these factors will indisputably greatly enhance the experience of Olympic Games of 2016 for all involved!

 

 

Margarita Tartakovsky

Some of us have shorter fuses than others. But all of us have those little aggravations that build up — and before we know it — burst. Whether you stew and simmer on the inside or find yourself breathlessly yelling at a complete stranger (or loved one), your impatience can lead to a whole lot of stress. Learning to be more patient has a slew of benefits, including helping to reduce stress and anxiety. Patience also helps you be more present in the moment. And patience prevents you from pummeling your boss or loved ones with unpleasant remarks. Fortunately, patience isn’t some innate virtue. It’s a skill you can practice and master. Here are four common patience pitfalls and pointers to help.

Being Stuck in Traffic
Getting stuck in traffic can easily make you feel harried and helpless. You have places to go, and things to do! But the reality is that you’re wedged between cars and not going anywhere any time soon. While this very thought feels frustrating, it’s also a great opportunity. Our days are typically crammed with tasks and technology. How often do you get a few minutes to yourself (not counting watching TV, being on the computer or listening to your iPod)? Just a few minutes to actually sit in silence and gather your thoughts can help. If that doesn’t sound appealing, use the time to call and catch up with a loved one or to listen to calming music or a new audio book. The key is to accept that at this very moment, there’s nothing you can do about all the congestion. Many of us sprint through our days. Traffic – though upsetting — gives us the opportunity to slow down and do something more pleasant than stew in our seats.

Waiting in Line
A funny thing happens when you’re waiting in line: You start thinking about all the tasks you could be doing instead of waiting in line. Suddenly your to-do list swells, and your patience shrinks. And who could blame you? Today, we’re desperately out of touch with waiting. Thanks to drive-thru meals, high-speed Internet and email, we’re used to getting what we want fast. So in these moments, it can feel like you have very little control over your emotions and anxious thoughts.

In his book Urban Mindfulness: Cultivating Peace, Presence & Purpose in the Middle of It All, clinical psychologist Jonathan S. Kaplan, Ph.D., encourages readers to slow down precisely when you’re feeling pressured to speed up. He suggests being still and taking several deep breaths. As you try to be still, you might notice that you’re still pacing or taking shallow breaths. Instead, observe the tapes that are playing in your head, thoughts that might sound familiar and reject your efforts to slow down. Ask yourself if there’s anything you can do to expedite the process. If not, “Practice acceptance.”
He also suggests readers “Explore ways to appreciate things that move slowly or take time,” such as making a meal from scratch or even getting a cactus and watching it grow. This helps you get more accustomed to decelerating.

Another tip: As you feel the rage for a slow employee rise, try to muster up some empathy. No doubt at some point in your life you were slow at a new job (or in another situation). Rather than getting angry put you in their shoes. Anger ignites impatience. But empathy can ease irritation, and help patience prosper.

Dealing with Rude People
Some days, doesn’t it feel like the people you come into contact with think you’re invisible? They cut you in line, cut you off on the road or slam into you without even saying they’re sorry. And, of course, it’s not just strangers who can be rude. It might be your boss, your neighbor, a good friend or even your spouse. Dealing with rude people can easily heighten your own impatience and possibly even escalate into an altercation. The best way to deal with rudeness is to adjust your reaction. You’ve probably heard this advice from your elders, but it’s true. The only things you can control are your own feelings and actions.

What also helps is brushing up on your communication skills. When communicating assertively, use “I” statements; be direct; and express your needs without getting emotional, aggressive or defensive. If you do find your anger amplifying, take several deep breaths, and if possible, take a break to cool off.

Coping with Your Own triggers
We all have unique stressors that push our patience. Maybe it’s your mother-in-law who can’t help but tell you how to make dinner, clean your house, raise the kids and live your life. Maybe it’s your co-workers who think gossiping is really their job or your kids who haven’t yet learned the splendor of silence. Take a few minutes to consider the top three things that seem to pillage your patience, and how you might approach them. Before coping with any potential pitfall, take a few long, deep breaths and remember that your mother-in-law probably has good intentions, your co-workers might be insecure themselves and your kids are just being kids.

Even if these explanations aren’t exactly accurate, don’t forget that you decide how others make you feel. When dealing with your own triggers, it also helps to cultivate gratitude. For instance, you might be thankful that your mother-in-law is a great grandma. You might be thankful that you have a job and a co-worker or two who help you out once in a while. And you might be thankful that your kids are healthy and full of energy. And when all else fails, take a break and get your nails done!

Seek patience
and passion
In equal amounts.

Patience alone
Will not build the temple.

Passion alone
Will destroy its walls.

~ Maya Angelou ~